


Sucks to Be You

by misura



Category: The Locked Tomb Trilogy | Gideon the Ninth Series - Tamsyn Muir
Genre: Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Pre-Canon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-26
Updated: 2020-12-26
Packaged: 2021-03-10 20:55:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 997
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28073562
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/misura/pseuds/misura
Summary: Silas said, "Colum!" his tone so bewildered it made Colum want to hit someone.
Relationships: Colum Asht/Silas Octakiseron
Comments: 7
Kudos: 7
Collections: Yuletide Madness 2020





	Sucks to Be You

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Ryuutchi](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ryuutchi/gifts).



Colum collapsed the moment he thought himself alone: a mistake, as Silas appeared by his side at once, as if summoned by Colum's half-formed wish to keep his weakness hidden, to allow Silas to cherish his accomplishment.

Silas said, "Colum!" his tone so bewildered it made Colum want to hit someone.

"I'm fine, Si. Only give me a moment." Silas's hands were on his body now, and Colum took pride in his ability to remain still, to not flinch from Silas's touch. "No need to get all worked up."

He realized he felt a faint sense of guilt.

"You're hurt," said Silas, still sounding young and scared, and like Colum had utterly failed him in his duties. He did not say, 'I hurt you', and Colum wondered if it was because Silas truly did not know, or because Silas _chose_ not to know.

"I'm weak," Colum corrected. His whole life had been directed toward this moment. "This is not your fault, Si. The fault lies only with me."

"But - " Silas said, half-protest and half-plea for more reassurances.

Colum did not think he could have loved a necromancer who regarded him only as a tool, a cup to drink his fill from, a glorified battery, as other Houses might view the cavaliers of the Eighth.

But this - in many ways, he thought this was worse. A necromancer who would hesitate to make use of his cavalier was worthless, as worthless as a cavalier who possessed no compatibility with any of the yet unpaired necromancers.

Of three brothers, Colum had been the lucky one, the chosen one.

"You are my necromancer," said Colum, somewhere finding the strength to grab Silas's wrist. "I am your cavalier. You did nothing you were not meant to do. You did well."

He had thought himself prepared, ready. He had been warned the siphoning might be uncomfortable, unsettling. Nobody had told him, 'it will feel as if you are dying, very slowly'. Nobody had warned him, 'if you come to love him, he will force you to conceal your true self'.

"The Master did not tell me I did well," said Silas. "He seemed to think I should have done better."

Colum closed his eyes to stop seeing Silas looking at him. He wanted to tell Silas, 'the Master is a dried up old curmudgeon with no concept of any emotion other than disapproval' but that would only serve to get Silas in trouble. "The Master has some very high standards."

"I'm the heir," said Silas. "His likeliest successor." A beat, while Colum sought for something to offer Silas, some scrap of not-quite-a-lie. "His cavalier doesn't look very well taken care of at all."

Colum should have cuffed him for that, had threatened to cuff Silas for less than that, on the very few, very rare occasions his mere word had been insufficient to change Silas's mind on any point of doctrine or faith or household practicalities. He said, "Ours is not to judge."

Silas wrinkled his nose. "We're the Eighth. Judging people is pretty much our whole reason of existence. Or so I've heard."

"Not from me," Colum said, wishing he had a less self-involved argument to sway Silas.

"No," agreed Silas, "but then, you just told me that you're fine, and we both know that's not true either. So maybe I shouldn't be so quick to trust whatever you tell me to be the truth anymore."

It felt like one more blow while all of his usual defenses had already been smashed through and reduced to nothing. Colum told himself to be pleased. True, Silas's easy trust had flattered him, but what use was flattery to a Templar?

He said, "I never asked you to base your faith and convictions on my own."

"I was a child, and you were my cavalier," said Silas. Colum's hand was still on his wrist; he shook it off now, as if Colum were the child and Silas the cavalier.

Colum said, "I'm still your cavalier, Si."

"Yes. But, you see, I'm no longer a child," Silas said, as if soul siphoning were a rite of passage into adulthood. "A child may draw comfort from lies. A grown man requires truth."

Colum sighed. He would have been able to handle this conversation much better after sleeping for about a week, he thought. "You want the truth? I feel like shit right now, and I wish you would shut the fuck up, because your talking isn't helping."

Silas giggled. It was not really the sound of a grown man requiring truth.

Colum wanted to ruffle his hair and tell him everything was going to be all right, and also that he was going to atone for using that sort of language as soon as possible.

"Would me doing something other than talking help?" Silas asked. He'd crawled on the bed already, even though it had not been created with sharing in mind. Colum imagined the both of them ending up on the floor; a perfectly shitty ending to a perfectly shitty day.

Nothing like matching bruises to announce to the world that you were a total failure.

"I need to sleep to restore my energy," Colum said. He willed his arms to move, to push Silas away. One thing to offer comfort and some hands-on anatomy lessons; quite another to accept comfort from his necromancer for doing nothing more than his duty, and poorly at that.

His arms didn't seem to be getting the message.

Silas laughed again, but softer, saner. Less like a child, and more like someone knowing exactly what they were doing. "You don't need to do anything. Let me take care of you. Just this once."

Colum wanted to ask, 'Do you think sucking my cock makes up for sucking my soul?' but that really would be blasphemous, and unkind into the bargain.

He said, "Just this once," knowing even as he said it that he was damning himself as much as Silas.


End file.
